Why You Secretly Love The Life You Say You Hate
A neccessary realization you should have, before you try to change yourself for the "better".
When The A-Hole decided to come down from the heavens to save the world, he had an Epiphany that made him almost rise back up immediately after his decension upon this mental asylum of a planet.
You people love your lives just the way they are.
That's right, love. Not like. Not tolerate.
Love.
I'll save my reasoning for categorizing it as such for the end of the article. 'Til then, let's just agree that you have all sorts of internal mechanisms within you that are dedicated to your preservation. While most associate these types of defenses as only dealing with your physical self, your brain is also hard-wired to protect your psychological self as well. No big shock really, since your personality is every bit as much of "you" as your body, if not more. Alas.
Here are some of the ways your mind tricks you into always sticking with the status quo.
If you stay here, you are safe and secure.
That feeling of danger you feel when you try to change, the fear of the new, that is something you won't have to encounter. All is well, and all will stay well, as long as you don't stray from the path too far.
You get to be the victim. You don't have to take any more responsibility than you have now. I mean, seriously, in all those horror movies, wouldn't you rather be one of the teens who get chopped up and murdered? All they have to do is show up and bone down. Meanwhile Jason Vorhees has to stay up all night, stalk his prey down outside in the cold, figure out ways to get inside his intended target's vicinity undetected so they can jiggle mightily in fear, and then kill them in some creative fashion. Then eventually COME BACK FROM THE DEAD. Who needs all that shit? Checkmate.
You don't have to lose. You don't have to get rejected. Come in... the water's nice.
If you stay here, you're cool.
So many problems are considered "cool" to have. Isn't that how you got into drugs or alcohol in the first place? And book learnin', daymn nigga, that's for dipshits. Being a gangsta, why that shows you're tough. You keep it on the rizzeal. And your cracker emo friends aren't going to approve if you stop thinking whining is cool, are they?
Underneath all the hype it's often still a victim mentality, only with a high five thrown in for a job well done.
Not in all cases, however. As you grow older 401Ks and home ownership become cool... somehow. Can't let your freak flag fly in Honkyland. The city will come by and tell you to take it down because it doesn't conform with the look of the rest of the houses in the neighborhood.
And golly gee willickers, what would Douglas and Marcy think if we started having weekend orgies?
The question stems from a worry about safety and security, socialwise. The answer to that question, sticking with what is, provides that social safety and security net, along with a slap on the back for validation.
I see you when you get it. Your eyes light up so big.
If you stay here, you'll continue to get what you deserve.
Do you really believe you should be some big superstar, or someone even moderately successful? Come on now. You know deep down that there are so many more people out there that work way harder than you do. You think it'd be right if you got what you wanted and not them? Uh, especially considering how you've acted in other ways, in the past?
You know that this right here is all that you should have. Otherwise why wouldn't you have put your foot down and said no to it all already?
If you stay here, you get to be right.
You're not correct about a whole lot of things, but you can sure as hell be right if you agree with this: you're a fuckup. Or maybe that's a term you reserve for the people who are "holding you back". Don't you realize there's a part of you that smiles when they prove to you what jackasses they are? Or when things don't work out for you, i.e. circumstances arise that prevent you from doing what you claimed you wanted to do?
Hooray, you get to stay home.
Certainty is a beautiful thing, isn't it. And there's no surer bet in life than putting your money down on the fact that you're going to lose. The fix is in.
The Reasons
So you're probably saying, "Alright A-Hole, you've raped me with your crotch-bulging wisdom. I see what I'm up against. But I don't LOVE this shithole of a life I complain incessently about. C'mon, that's just a fucking dumb thing to say."
I'll say it again. Yeah, you do.
Have you ever been in a dysfunctional relationship? Oh how that person can make you yell and scream, or at least want to. You fight all the time, or perhaps just silently pissy. Maybe they have done things that have hurt you real bad. Maybe you've been cheated on, or have had money stolen from you.
They've hurt you deeply. Your co-existence has been uncomfortable, almost unbearable at times. Yet if someone asked you if you loved them, your answer would still be yes.
If you haven't experienced this firsthand, unless you're from Mars you know somebody who has. And that's just the kind of relationship you have with your current life.
It nourishes you like a mother. It protects you like a father, or perhaps your mother's alcoholic boyfriend. And you, in turn, have stayed devoted to it for years like a married partner.
Perverse? Whatever freak, I call em as I see em.
The Answers
So yeah, now you know what you're up against. That's why any significant change you try to make is rough stuff. You love where you are currently more than anywhere else you could be. Most of that is due to the fear of what's on the other side, or the fear the journey to that other side. You get most of your needs and desires met by your current life (or at least the most important ones -- deemed by you, seen in the reflection of your choices), even if some don't even come close to being satisfied.
The total package, purchased every day mostly because of the familiarity and dependability, you see as the best buy in town. The costs involved in getting one of those other lives you always have an eye on are simply too much, in your estimation.
What's next? Who knows, maybe all you need to do is reconcile with the fact that no life will ever be perfect -- that there will always be a price tag. Maybe you can learn to just love your current life more. It may not be so bad. Even if the downside may look horrible to most people, it could be something that's no biggie for you to deal with, and what you get back in positive return holds more value for you than most others.
Whichever way you choose, it's always best to remember how much your current road has meant to you. Out of all the possibilities out there, this is the one you've selected. Every day it's been the winner, because every day, you've voted for it again and again. It's made you who you are, the good along with the crap. You've become the person you've secretly most wanted to become.
You've enjoyed the ride, in all its whopping imperfection.
